Shameless
by KaT aka Mistress Shinigami
Summary: 5xS; ~I was lucky to have a friend like her, and even luckier to have a lover like her. But now I have neither.~ Wufei and Sally get into a fight...will Wufei give up? r/r!


A/N: This has been in my head for a looong time, and I'm just now getting it all typed out. I heard the song and _immediately_ thought Wufei fit perfectly. I had an awesome idea for a fic, and I just hope it turned out as well as it should have. Nothing is worse than seeing a fic fall short of its potential, at least in my opinion.

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or any of its characters…they belong to their respective owners and such. I also do not own the song "Shameless" by Garth Brooks. I'm using the lyrics without permission to enhance my story (for your reading pleasure~_^…hehe, j/k). 

"Shameless"

Well I'm shameless when it comes to loving you

I'll do anything you want me to

I'll do anything at all

Standing here, in the middle of the street, I am aware of how utterly out of place I must look. Rain falls from the heavens, plastering my hair to my head and my clothing to my body. Few souls brave this weather, and I find myself alone, standing stock still in the middle of an empty road. Inconspicuously, I am positioned under a lamppost, placed just right so that its bulb shines out onto the pavement as well as the sidewalk where it rests. 

            I raise my head to gaze up at the sky, and blink quickly at the raindrops that fall in my eyes. Silly as it sounds, it seems the heavens are crying, and with all the rain there must be ten thousand angels up there, weeping their crystal eyes out. I wonder if Meilan is one of those angels. Or perhaps Master Long is, as well as everyone else who was murdered in the L5 colony attack. I can't decide whether this thought comforts or unnerves me, so I let it drop. 

            Above and beyond the rain clouds I know there are stars dotting the velveteen sky; I just can't see them. I realize, with what could pass as a chuckle, that I must be pretty blind, for I am oblivious to quite a few things, tangible or otherwise. 

            I am not proud of this revelation; I am merely stating a candid, yet degrading fact. 

And I'm standing here for all the world to see

Oh baby that's what's left of me

Don't have very far to fall

            I had another fight with Sally. I never wanted to hurt her…I never intended to make her cry. It sounds strange coming from me, but the last thing I wanted to do was break her heart. I would give an arm and a leg, if I could just erase the whole conversation, and start this day over again.   
  


            The fact that I am willingly admitting all this must show you how I've changed. I've allowed a woman to become so close to me—so very close that I would give my life before I saw hers torn apart. Her emotions mean more to me than all of mine combined, and I often find myself placing her before me. I find my arrogance leaving me more and more, and my pride has taken a back seat more times than I can count; and it doesn't matter to me. I don't mind giving it up—I _want _to give it up…for her.

            Ironic, isn't it? I tried so hard to make her happy, and I made her cry instead. And now that I'm out here—alone—I realize that Sally was all I had left. I had centered my world around her without quite realizing it. My chest feels hollow and tight at the same time, and it comes to mind that I have hit the lowest of the low. I had left her…how much farther could I possibly fall?

            Not far. Not far at all. 

You know now I'm not a man who's ever been

Insecure about the world I've been livin' in

I don't break easy, I have my pride

But if you want to be satisfied

            The cold rain stings my skin, like thousands of tiny needles. Still the streets are empty, and I am alone as I reflect my utter idiocy. 

            The irony of it still amazes me.

            I am a warrior at heart, I suppose. During the war I refused assistance, preferring to work alone. I used to think this would make me stronger, because I would be handling everything alone. Through it all I refused to break, though I can't honestly say I did it alone. My fellow Gundam pilots helped me, whether I wanted them to or not. And Sally helped me too. When I had given up on life, on the war and on my own self-worth…she had been there. She had spurred me into action, and I was able to use Nataku's strength in battle once more.

            Nataku. Sometimes I don't believe she's gone. That small 14-year old girl had died so prematurely, and it just wasn't fair. 

            Her death had prompted me to fight as well. My apathetic scholar views took the back seat as I strived to achieve Meilan's ideals and beliefs. I owed it to her...it was my duty, as her husband. I tried to be strong for her…but in the end I failed. I failed Nataku by allowing her to die. 

            I failed Sally, too.

I'm shameless, oh honey I don't have a prayer

Everytime I see you standin' there

I go down upon my knees

            I failed by allowing myself to hurt her, and by simply walking away. She called out to me, and I simply walked away. Gods, I hate myself. I hate myself for hurting her, for failing Meilan, for failing my colony. 

            Sally had called me strong once. She told me I had a strong heart, and admitted her belief that she had a strong heart as well. I had believed her then, but I don't believe that anymore. How can I be strong when I feel so weak? I feel helpless and vulnerable around her; and—the sad part is—I allow it to happen. In fact, I don't mind my temporary weakness. She has always been worth it.

            I don't think she fully comprehends just how much she has affected me. She could make or break me without even batting an eye…but she doesn't see it. She doesn't see how far I have lost myself in her. I wonder what she would do if she ever knew…

            Even though it seems it should, it doesn't bother me that I've allowed her so close to me. I treasure what we have, though I have a terrible way of showing it. Crap. I meant, "I treasure what we had." I don't expect her to forgive me, so I'm not even going to ask. I never set myself up for failure…what's the point in that? 

And I'm changin' swore I'd never compromise

Oh, but you convinced me otherwise

I'll do anything you please

            I wanted to do something—anything, if it would ease her hurt. I would do even more to gain her forgiveness and acceptance. I never deserved her love, but I would take it too, and give it back tenfold. Because she deserves it. And I know I don't deserve her in return, but that is why I am so thankful. Or was thankful. I am not foolish enough to hope for forgiveness, but the time I spent with her was the best time of my life. 

            I wouldn't go back for the world.

            I used to distance myself from people, in hopes of keeping callous and unfeeling. I swore I would never let anyone near me. But Sally wanted to get to know me, and I found myself allowing her closer and closer until it seemed we were attached at the hip. I never realized I was in love with her until a couple months ago. 

            I was lucky to have a friend like her, and even luckier to have a lover like her. But now I have neither. 

            I move away from the light post, and my skin has now become numb to the freezing rain. I find myself wandering around empty streets, not quite sure where I am heading. I suppose I am too lost in my thoughts to even care.

You see in all my life I've never found

What I couldn't resist what I couldn't turn down

I could walk away from anyone I ever knew

But I can't walk away from you

            Absently, I recognize the street I am trudging on. I recognize it because I've been down it so many times, to see someone I've seen so many times. And it's never enough. I place my hand in my jean pocket, withdrawing a small velvet box. My fingers glide over the jewelry box, and I begin to wonder how things got so screwed up.

            I had been planning on proposing to Sally soon. I didn't really have anything planned, and I wanted to do it spur-of-the-moment, I guess. I raise my head slowly, and my eyes come to rest on the small house Sally calls home. I hope she hasn't left yet.

            I don't know why I've come back. She is going to say no, and I deserve her rejection. I hurt her, and I am not worthy of her forgiveness. And yet, I find myself standing at her front door anyway, dripping wet. 

            I have never been able to refuse her anything, and today is no exception.

I have never let anything have this much control over me

I work too hard to call my life my own

And I made myself a world and it's worked so perfectly

But it's your world now I can't refuse

I've never had so much to lose

            I can't bring myself to knock yet, and I berate myself for being weak. But still I do not knock. 

            I have never wanted anything so bad before, and so many alien emotions fill me completely, and I find my hand trembling, to my shame. But I ignore it. I have so much to gain from her acceptance. If she says yes, if she becomes my wife, I can start a new life with her. I could change everything, making all the right choices where I had always been in the wrong. I would spend my entire life by her side, and she would never doubt my sincerity. 

            Of course with so much to gain, I have so much to lose. If she refuses, my world would shatter. I know it sounds overly dramatized and extremely flighty, but it is the truth. I am not afraid to admit that. I have made her my center, and she makes me complete. All right, that's a little too poetic. But I can't help the truth of my contemplations…

            Raising my hand, I knock quickly on the door, hurrying as to not lose my nerve. I hear slight shuffling from inside, and then the door is pulled open and I am faced with the person who can make me or break me at this moment. I've already broken her…

            "Wufei," Sally greets softly, her arms folded over chest. But she doesn't seem angry…she seems defensive. Wary. Hurt. She continues in the same voice, taking in my appearance. "Gods, you're soaking wet!" She left the door open and turned and ran deeper in her house. I step inside the doorway and close the door, keeping the chilling rain outside.

You know it should be easy for a man who's strong

To say he's sorry or admit when he's wrong

I've never lost anything I've ever missed

But I've never been in love like this

            She returns shortly, carrying with her a fluffy white towel. In the warmth of her house the numbness of my skin dissipates, and I am acutely aware of just how could I really am. I take the towel gratefully, brushing the cold water off me, distracting myself while I found the words I needed. 

            "Sally-." I begin, but I stop mid-sentence. I realize my mouth is still open and I close it quickly, before licking my lips and trying again. "Sally…I…this shouldn't be so hard." She looked at me in confusion. "I've always been strong," I admit, gazing into her eyes intently. "Yet I can't find the words to confess just how wrong I was. I'm so sorry I hurt you."

            Now it was her turn to be at a loss for words. I saw her wringing her hands together, and my breathing abruptly stopped. It seemed the Earth had ceased its turning for this one moment. I'm overreacting, I know, but I just can't help it! I've never felt this way before! I've never felt so strong and so weak all at once. I felt both confident and submissive, both assured and dubious, both loving and hating myself, but only loving her. 

            She reached out and touched my cheek, and her hands felt warm against my skin. Perhaps my skin was still chilled from the rain. I didn't realize I was shivering.

            "I will always forgive you," she whispered, pressing her lips against mine before the iridescent tears could fall from her eyes. Again I am amazed at how warm she is, and how good and familiar her kiss feels. 

It's out of my hands

I'm shameless, I don't have the power now

I don't want it anyhow

So I gotta let it go

            I reluctantly pull away from her as my attention is redirected back to the tiny box in my hand. Her eyes widen in surprise at my antics. Bending down on one knee, I open the small velvet box and take out the sparkling ring. The ring was made up of a gold band that twisted and turned like a dragon. In the center of the band, at the dragon's mouth, sat a diamond. I had bought the ring when I went on a trip to China a few weeks back.

            "Sally," I begin, keeping my voice steady and strong, which isn't an easy feat. "I couldn't imagine my life without you. You are everything to me, and I am totally shameless of our love. Would you do me the greatest honor by becoming my wife?" Her brilliant blue eyes appear watery, and I can't help but hope that she doesn't cry…I don't want to hurt her. Cradling her hand, I gently slip the ring onto her finger. Still she remains silent.

            At that moment she has so much power over me. She could make my life complete, or she could tear it apart.

            Slim arms encircled my neck as she throws herself at me in a fierce hug. My own arms slip around her waist, but the force still knocks me onto the ground from my kneeling position. I keep my hold on Sally, and I can feel her warm tears on my neck, but I don't comment on them. 

            "I love you," she murmurs against my skin, and her breath is warm on my neck. 

            "Is that a yes?" I inquire, though the answer is clear to me. She smacks my arm lightly.

            "Of course it is," she replies. I smile, and I am unable to resist the urge to press my lips hard against hers. 

A/N: Whoa, sap overload!!! *hands you some heavy-duty toothpaste* All that sugar can kill your teeth, ya know. Anyway, this is just some ficcie I came up with. I just love Sally and Wufei fics! How many have I written anyway? ~_^ Please send me your reviews! Arigato!

Luvvies, KaT aka Mistress Shinigami


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